


everybody's looking for love

by fiona_apiston



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 11:21:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19424950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiona_apiston/pseuds/fiona_apiston
Summary: my second take on a tumblr prompt, things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear





	everybody's looking for love

"Yeah, so, I'll be leaving March 25, so I'll be home around then." Zayn paused. "Hopefully, yeah. Okay, bye." He set his phone down, turned around, and saw Harry standing in the doorway to the bathroom. Apparently, Zayn had not, in fact, locked the door like he thought he did.

"What are you talking about?"

"What?" Zayn tried to pretend like he didn't know what Harry was talking about.

"Leaving? March 25?" Harry took a step closer. "What's that about?"

"Nothing."

"Seems like it's something."

Zayn swallowed. "It's…" He trailed off.

"Yes?"

"I'm leaving One Direction."

Complete silence filled the room, Harry staring at Zayn and Zayn looking anywhere but Harry's face.

Suddenly Harry spun around and walked quickly away, out of the hotel room, the door slamming behind him.

Zayn ran after him. "Harry! Wait!"

Harry was at the elevators, pressing the down button over and over.

Zayn reached out to touch him as a reflex, then quickly withdrew his hand. "You shouldn't do that," he said softly. "You know all the fans are down there waiting to mob you."

Harry stopped pressing the button. He didn't say anything, but when the elevator arrived, he got in and looked at Zayn.

Zayn's heart ached at the hollow way Harry was looking at him, and he got into the elevator.

Harry pressed the button for the roof, and they stood in silence for the whole ride, and got out when it got to the roof. Harry walked to the edge of the roof and sat down, feet dangling off the edge of the building. Zayn walked over and sat next to him.

"Is it really that bad?"

Zayn laughed, an empty laugh. "Do you really have to ask that?"

Harry stared down. "Is it finalized?"

"Yeah."

"So you're leaving. March 25."

Zayn nodded.

They sat in silence for several minutes, until Zayn begged, "Please say something."

"What do you want me to say? What the fuck do you want me to say? You're leaving? After everything?"

"Because of everything," Zayn replied. "And I just wanna know if this means we're over."

Harry turned to look directly at him, and Zayn was startled by the amount of tears in his eyes. "You're leaving the band, and you wanna know what this means for us."

Zayn nodded.

"What us? You mean when we hook up after shows and pretend it didn't happen in the morning? You mean when we tell everyone else we've never done anything together, even though they know we're lying? You mean all the times we sleep together because we're lonely but one of us leaves before the other wakes up? You mean how I didn't even realize there was an "us" before now?"

"I love you."

Harry froze, then scrambled up and ran to the elevator, pressing the button.

Zayn followed him. "Harry-"

"No. You don't get to tell me you love me when you're going to leave the band soon. You don't get to do that."

"I'm sorry."

Harry spun around to face Zayn. "You love me! Why didn't you ever say that before?"

"I wanted to," Zayn admitted. "But I was scared. And being with you is one of the only good things left about this job, I didn't want to lose you."

Harry shook his head. "You were going to leave the band without telling us. Don't even lie, I know you were. Were you just going to leave without saying goodbye to me? Whom you supposedly love?"

"I don't know," Zayn whispered.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

The elevator arrived, and Harry stepped inside. Zayn stood there, not moving.

Harry looked at him. "Get in."

Zayn stepped inside.

Harry was crying now, more than before. "You know what I fucking hate?" Zayn was silent. "I love you too."

Zayn looked at him, tears starting to form in his own eyes. "I'm sorry."

"I'm so mad at you."

"I know."

"This is fucked."

"I know."

Harry was quiet for a moment, then said, "I don't know."

"What?"

"You asked if this means we're over. I don't know."

Zayn laughed bitterly, through all his tears. "How are we supposed to last through this?"

"I don't know. But tell me right now that in a year, if I showed up at your door with no explanation other than I want you, you wouldn't let me in."

Zayn didn't say anything.

"I know you would."

"That's kind of a fucked up way to measure a relationship, isn't it?"

"Yeah it is. But also, tell me I'm not going to end up sleeping with you tonight."

Zayn shook his head. "That's why you were there, right? Why you overheard everything? You wanted to be with me?"

"I'm lonely," Harry whispered. "Who am I supposed to cuddle with when you leave?"

"Liam. You know he'll be willing, especially right away I leave."

"It's not the same."

"I know."

They were at the door to Zayn's hotel room by now, standing outside of it.

Zayn suddenly felt awkward. "You wanna come in?"

Harry gave him a look.

Zayn opened the door, and he and Harry both went in.

Zayn kicked his shoes off, and slipped his shirt and jeans off, crawling into the bed.

Harry did the same, and curled up into Zayn.

Zayn wrapped his arm around Harry and kissed his forehead.

"Can you say it again?" Harry said softly enough Zayn almost had to ask him to repeat it.

"Say what again?"

"That you love me."

"I thought you were mad I told you that."

"I am. But I spent years loving you and thinking you didn't love me back. I wanna hear it as much as possible until you leave."

"Why until? I'll call you every night after I leave to tell you I love you, because I do. I love you."

Harry was silent. "We're screwed, aren't we."

"Probably."

"I wish we were normal people," Harry said. "I wish I could take you out on a date. I wish we could tell our friends and family we finally realized that we're in love, like some romcom, and have them laugh and be happy for us and not have them feel bad because they know it all has to be a secret. I wish we could get stupid matching couples outfits and go out in them and embarrass our friends we go out with. I wish-"

"Don't." Zayn hadn't realized he started crying again until he spoke and his voice was choked up with tears.

Harry was crying into his shoulder.

"We can tell Niall, and Louis, and Liam," Zayn said. "We can tell them, and force them not to feel bad for us," he added, trying to make Harry smile.

Harry nodded against him. "Yeah," he said quietly.

Zayn hugged Harry tighter. "We can figure it out later, okay? In the morning, or something."

Harry didn't say anything, just pressed impossibly closer to Zayn and closed his eyes.

Zayn kissed his curls and closed his own eyes, and they eventually fell asleep.

\---

"Can we?"

Zayn shifted to look at Harry. His face was unreadable. "Can we what?"

"Tell the others."

"Of course. Are you sure?"

Harry nodded.

"Okay."

"Today?"

"If that's what you want, yeah, we can tell them today."

Harry nodded and slowly sat up in bed, stretching and yawning. He crawled out and padded to the bathroom, and Zayn lay in bed watching him go.

He hoped Harry truly wanted to tell the others, and it wasn't just a spur of the moment thing, but nothing truly bad could happen if they told, so he wasn't too worried.

Harry came back and studied Zayn. "What are you thinking about?"

"How do you want to tell them?"

Harry shrugged. He pulled his phone out from his jeans he had tossed on the floor the night before. "They've already texted us an hour ago that they're all in Liam's room with breakfast waiting for us."

"Oops, I didn't see that," Zayn winced.

"I'm sure it's fine. You wanna go tell them now?"

"Sure."

They got dressed, Harry pulling one of Zayn's shirts out of his bag and Zayn pretending not to notice, before realizing, wait, we've admitted we're together, I can do that now, and grinning at Harry as he pulled it on. Harry blushed and ducked his head, grabbing his own jeans to also put on. They left the room and made their way over to Liam's. Zayn did his knock, and Louis opened the door.

"You're late," he observed.

"Yeah, we're sorry."

Louis glanced at Harry and Zayn's eyes, still puffy and red from crying the previous night. "You two okay?"

Harry nodded. "We just have some things to say. To all of you."

"Okay." Louis stepped aside to let them in before closing the door behind them.

Liam and Niall looked up.

"We left some food for you," Liam said, holding up a bag.

Zayn nodded. "Thanks."

Harry stepped forward. "We have something to tell you." He then turned to Zayn and whispered, "You have to tell them the other news, too, you know."

Zayn stopped breathing for a moment. "That's not what we agreed on."

"You have to." Harry looked at him. "I can't keep it a secret. And it's not something you should keep from them."

"Fuck," Zayn murmured. He didn't really want to tell them, but he knew Harry was right. He turned to the others, who looked completely confused.

"What's going on?" Niall asked warily.

Zayn swallowed. "I'm leaving One Direction."

"You can't." Liam was staring at him. "You literally, you can't."

Zayn shook his head. "I got my way out of the contract."

"When are you leaving?"

"March 25."

Silence filled the room. Harry cleared his throat, then said, "Also, Zayn and I…" He trailed off as he slipped his hand into Zayn's and pressed closer to him.

"Okay, what the fuck," Louis snapped. "You can't come in here and just tell us all that, like that!"

"I'm sorry," Zayn said softly.

Louis shook his head.

Niall looked gently at them. "What's going to happen after he leaves?" The question was pointed at Harry.

Harry's shoulders slumped. "I don't know."

"Are we just going to accept the fact that Zayn's leaving?" Liam blurted.

"It's done, Liam," Zayn said, looking him straight in the eyes.

Liam blinked a few times. "You really want to leave."

Zayn nodded. "It's not about you guys. It's everything else."

"Yeah. We know." They all knew.

"We're still pissed at you."

"Yeah. I know."

"So you and Harry…"

"Yeah."

Complete quiet.

"We're in love," Harry said softly.

Three sets of eyes shot up and stared holes in Harry and Zayn.

"Wait, what?" Niall looked shocked.

Zayn nodded.

"Oh, no," Liam looked sad.

"Don't look at us like that," Harry snapped. "We know. We know we're fucked."

Liam went quiet.

"You should leave," Louis spoke. "I don't really wanna see Zayn right now."

Zayn nodded, trying to hold back tears. "Okay." He left the room, quickly walking even as he heard Harry calling after him and following him, and went to his room, grabbed his cigarettes and lighter, and headed out to the balcony. He lit one and breathed it in, trying to breathe through his tears.

He felt Harry's hand on his back. "Zayn."

"I know it's stupid," Zayn mumbled. "I knew you all were going to be pissed. I knew it throughout the entire time I was working out me leaving."

"Maybe," Harry hugged him from behind. "But it didn't hit you until now, right? You can cry."

Zayn did, leaning back into Harry and sobbing. "I just wanted to get out. I didn't want to hurt any of you."

"I know, honey."

"I love them. I love you."

"I know. They know. They just need time. We all do."

"How did you manage to forgive me?"

"I want the best for you. And as much as it hurts me that you're leaving, and as much as I need you and want to sleep with you every night on tour, I know this is the best for you." 

He paused. "It would be the best for any of us."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah. I know."

\---

The phone rang, waking Zayn up from his deep sleep. He grumbled, then sat up and pressed answer once he saw who it was. "Harry?"

"Hey babe." Zayn could hear the sleepy yet over the moon joyful notes in Harry's voice, and knew he had just finished a show.

"How was it?"

"Amazing." That was Louis. Wait.

"Louis?" Zayn pressed the phone closer to his ear.

"Hey."

Zayn blinked away the tears forming. "It's good to hear your voice," he said, not caring how it sounded.

A pause, then, "You too."

"Everyone's here," Harry announced.

"Oh?"  
"We just wanted to check in," Liam said.

"I'm good. I was just sleeping, actually. But I'm happy you called."

"Oops. Sorry about that," Harry giggled.

"It's okay. I love you guys."

"Love you too," they all said back, at varying degrees of loudness.

"So, tell me about the show."


End file.
